Maybe I had made a mistake with her, I thought to myself. Every time she started screaming I'd start doubting myself. But how was I supposed to know how horrible her anger was? She kept scaring me. And maybe I wouldn't have hurt her so much. All these words, sentences, phrases, ideas. I've already got so much going on in here. How did this turn into something about her? This was about me. Make everything better for her so she doesn't get angry any more. Give her the best so she has nothing to curse at. How can any child live through that unscathed? I couldn't. How can you live with someone like that? Think of the children. Not swear words like motherfucker or anything. I still don't understand why I don't hate her. Even not after I realised that everything she said was a lie. Maybe her words would hurt less after I get some air to breathe. But you don't ever want to hate the person you love. Until I could no longer stand to not only love her less but because I was afraid all that love would deplete and instead turn into hate. Like Ammu said in The God Of Small Things 'you just love them less.' And every time it happened I loved her less. She thought I could just let it go the next day after she said sorry? Is it that simple? Every time she went on this screaming and cursing tirade, I changed a little. She was always too extreme with her words. Hoping everyone the other person loved died?! How can someone say that?! That's too extreme. Do words even mean anything any more? Just words. But her crying turned into something else. So I took time off to maybe come back and understand it later. But why was she always crying? I didn't mean to hurt her? I couldn't stop the crying. Why couldn't she understand that? She was amazing. Why am I waiting for someone? She helped. Just need someone to make some sense of all this. I've never put this much effort into anything. If I just close my eyes and let it go without thinking too much. If only I could articulate it well enough. When I've learnt more and can understand my own words. I'm sure I can make sense of it all later. these words together to make meaningful sentences. Maybe it'll all make sense? Just minutely scribbling, scribbling, scribbling.

Superior drummer 2.0 debut date